So how many times have I done this? Started a new bl0g and then never written in it? Well, I will admit I was pretty fervent about my LiveJournal. I was on that all the time, but mostly for the art.
The semester is coming to an end. It wasn't an easy one either. I feel like there were supposed to be so many lessons to learn, and that I was incapable of obtaining them all. Its all over in two weeks and then I am back home to Vancouver. I usually await the end of the school year with excitement and plans, but this time... nada. I need an internship really bad!
I was finally able to send my graphic design portfolio to someone for the first time. It's so funny how ashamed I am of the artwork I have done. I have this weird obsession with being below average and am afraid that I will be put on the butchers block and torn apart for not being great. The stem of this I feel comes from how we are critiqued in art classes. Everyone sets thier work on the board, a type of offering to the Art Gods. Then you watch and listen as you are told your offering is like Cain's. And then you are banished to the depths of walking the earth for eternity with the sad realization what you did, just didn't make the cut. It is all about my fears. NO ART GOD SHOULD CONTROL ME! I can overcome my fears and give up the silly notion that takes me to the same sorrowful spots over and over again. I usually am willing to do everything to get myself to the point where I need to be and then when I stand there, I want a new direction. I have dreams for plans. What I really need is some plans for my dreams. I need to decide what I need to do to get me there. I am an adult for goodness sakes! I should have decided this a few years ago.
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