This past week I discovered Hypno-birthing. I know...a little late in the game. New age? Yes. But let me tell you...it has been AMAZING. It has been relaxing and filling me with positive vibes.
Last week I was struggling a lot with fear and anxiety about the birth. I would have nights where I couldn't sleep because I was afraid something was wrong with the baby or something could go wrong. Little things, like thoughts of a cord tightly around his neck, emergency c-sections, breached deliveries. I think from the very beginning of this pregnancy I have been afraid of the worst. Being diagnosed with a Sub Chorionic Hematoma (SCH) early on and bleeding was a very emotional downward tailspin for me and prevented me from embracing the child growing in me for a long time. I started to read and listen to all the horror stories of what could go wrong and totally absorbed myself in negativity. These things have been on my mind for months. I needed to let them go.
Lets face it. Every woman has a warrior story when it comes to their bodies and motherhood. Whether it is a struggle to want to become a mother, birthing, loss, adoption, or infertility. Woman need to find support from others during these times. We find solace in knowing we are not alone; that things go wrong, and that we can overcome. I think I had placed myself in a mindset where I forgot to see the good, joy, victories, and miracles. I had forgotten that every warrior story contains those as well.
My body healed itself naturally from the SCH. My baby has grown. He kicks and squirms. He has a shaky leg like I did in my mothers womb. He doesn't have to fit a standard size measurement or look a certain way. He will come the way nature and God planned for him to enter this world. He may not be perfect. He will be a member of our family and my son.
Being able to push all the negativity aside has been so amazing. I feel like in the last three days I have come full circle and am finally able to embrace that things can go well. I feel much more at ease and less burdened. I don't sit around waiting for him to come anymore; fearing for an early or scary delivery. I also don't feel the need to have to run around the block or do jumping jacks to get him here. (Sadly, I may become a hypocrite and resort to that if he doesn't come while my mom is here) Exciting things are happening in little Jerome, ID and I can't wait for the changes.
Stay tuned. The next post will be of a sweet little baby boy!