It's over

Christmas is done. Now I just have to deal with cleaning up. I hate packing everything back into boxes. It takes so much work. Especially the artificial tree hauling that thing back up into the attic takes so much work and I feel it literally could become the death of me.

I am leaving for school in a week. It is crazy how fast it is going to come. I really like school. It causes me too much anxiety though, I am the kind of person who refuses to fail at anything, which makes assignments and classes difficult. Maybe I should just relax these last two semesters and settle for B's. That would make life easier. I have this natural impulse to be the best and when I recognize some one is better it makes me angry. It shouldn't be like that. I should be excited for them, that they have been given far more talent in that particular area. But I want to be on top, which causes me to make overly worked projects that don't seem to work.

I need a job at school. I will probably go back to my janitor job. I just wish it was at a more reasonable hour then 4 in the morning. I enjoy cleaning so that isn't the issue... it's just the dread feeling of living months on end with no energy.

All of this I think has contributed to the fact I can't get a boyfriend. I just don't have the energy or time to look for one. And if i got one could I even care for him? I have to go to bed at a early hour. I am in classes all day from 9 to 9, except now I have almost all of Tuesday and Thursdays off! Wahoo. Plus the tension, oh my heck, the tension that surrounds my life at school.

I don't want to be crazy anxiety girl.